You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
