So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
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