Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
