Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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