Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
