So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
