I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
