You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
