I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
