Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
