The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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