i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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