Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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