my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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