i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
