threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
