her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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