Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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