drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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