So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
