I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
