I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
