he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
