she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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