It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I will be naked everywhere
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
