Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
