I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
