I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
