The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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