Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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