You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
