do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
