You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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