I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
