never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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