His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize