So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
