I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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