How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
