What a fucking waste of an outfit
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
