Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize