Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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