So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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