dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
