He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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