I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
