Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
