I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
