Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
