yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
