We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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