It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
