does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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