You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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