You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Another day, another engagement, another cat
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
