I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Are we still banned from the library?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
