I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
