Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
