I just saw a hot homeless man
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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