Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
