Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
