How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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