i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
