I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
