I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
