I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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