Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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