I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
