I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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