Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
