thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
