You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The best revenge is premature balding
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
