well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
