Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize